theatreofsin

I've spoken on asexuality and how it's distinct from physicality. I'll speak on the allure of physicality, for me.

This is the thing: I love physicality. I crave it. I want to live with someone who I can walk up to and say "Let's wrassle." If I get a dog, I want a big dog with some heft to 'em. At the end of a long day sometimes I want to crawl under covers with someone and share pressure and warmth with them. And sometimes I want, well, to dominate.

I'm intrigued by BDSM, not because I ind it sexually arousing, but because I'm fascinated by the power play. Some people have a sex drive, I have a power drive – having control of someone in some way, pinning them down, getting them by the throat, feeling mass against mass and muscle against muscle, is something earnestly to be desired in my mind. (Possibly some of this will resonate with certain issues I had in childhood.) I don't feel the need for it to extend into tabs, slots, and uncontrollable excretions (well, sweat...), but I want it. It's the closest thing I have to a sex drive. And really, while a great deal is made of genitals and erogenous zones in various configurations, is there anything more intimate that holding someone's fear, trust, power over self in your hands?

But for all that I rhapsodize on force, it's not something I can just go out and take. That's not where my kink lies. I want want, or need. Need compassion rather than greed. Fear, yes, but not fear of me; I like an edge of fear-of-self in there, fear of boundaries, fear of things we're holding our faces to and looking at deep. Submission, perhaps, but not submitting to me, rather laying aside one's recourses and pushing oneself down into that dark space they're not sure they'll come out of.

I don't want someone timid and backing away from me. I want Odysseuses lashing themselves to the masts, half-mad with what they're facing and using those bonds to bear them through to the other side.

We're talking about kinks? One of my biggest kinks, and it's a physical kink, a spiritual kink, a life kink, an intimacy kink, is that we're all powerful people. We've all got powerful people in us somewhere, maybe beaten down and corralled, maybe chained up like Fenrir, but we are powerful. Contest between us is an acknowledgment of power in us both and must be approached in such a way – for who are we to challenge if we are not strong in ourselves?–and what is the use of challenge if the opponent is not also? But I'm not interested in establishing a hierarchy, unless it's a hierarchy of equals. I'm interested in a mutual travail, each using the other as a tool to ultimately challenge and overcome the self.