theatreofsin

I'm not big on the idea of "safe, sane, and consensual" as a litmus test. I manage to take issue to two out of the three, in fact. The safe and sane things, specifically.

Safe because while it's a good general guideline for many people, I don't see that it's something which needs to be enforced. Plenty of things aren't safe. BASE jumping isn't safe. Climbing a mountain isn't safe. Even football isn't safe. Yes, there are safeguards one can put in place, but these activities have never been fully sanitized, and may never be. Transgressing the boundaries of safety is one's prerogative.

Sane offends me on principle, because it's such a squoogy word. One person's sanity is another person's insanity. One person's reviled madness is another person's religion. Any legislation, no matter how informal, which uses sanity as a benchmark is bound to fail, especially on something ass subjective as interpersonal intimacy.

If I had to put forth a standard of my own, it would be Comprehended and consensual. Those are the principles I see as most respectful of the persons in question.

But that's me speaking, from my own value set. And value sets, like sanity, change from person to person.

There's a trouble I have in my wrist from time to time. I've never looking much into it because so far as I can tell it's more annoying than actually dangerous. I'll feel something pop out of place, and then any motion I make with that wrist hurts. It's a tight, pinching pain which gets worse the more the wrist is flexed. It doesn't hurt at all in a neutral position, but nor does it get better. The only way I've found to fix it is to deliberately push the wrist into an extreme flex, past where it starts shooting white pain up my forearm, past where I want more than anything to just stop and hope it'll fix itself on its own – and then whatever popped wrong pops right again, the pain drains out, and not only does it not hurt any more but I've got a nice edge of endorphins and my wrist is returned to normal function.

Take this. Apply it to people. This is one of my kinks.

It is a form of compassion, and of power, to take someone and force them (especially by their consent or at their request) through something they don't think they can go through, because they're not strong enough to make it on their own. There's a beautiful vulnerability in asking, in trusting, someone to bear you past the point of breaking and get you put together on the other side. There's a wonderful, brutal tenderness in playing the monster because you want to see someone persevere.

And I'm a sucker for compassion mixed with power, on both sides of the fence.

Sometimes the things a person most needs are the things a person most fears. Sometimes you need to take away every avenue except the one which will force them to get better.

Sometimes you need to get them by the throat and say "You'll tell me what's hurting you."

Hold them against the gaping open world until their struggles die down and they see that they still haven't been swallowed into nothingness by the impersonal sky.

Ease them to the ugliest parts of themselves so they can see that you still won't leave.

And sometimes you need to hear the "Yes, but I'm afraid" and say, rather than the comforting and ultimately false There's nothing to be afraid of, "I know. And I'll be here pulling you through the flames, and I'll still pull you out the other side."

People are good with making due with what they've got, living in that limited mobility, and running away from the pain that buys the greater part of themselves back. And while dragging someone that far through fire is a dangerous proposition, with plenty of ways to screw up and leave one or both with terrible scars, there's not much sacred that is easy, or it wouldn't be sacred any more.